


It's Hard to Say

by bluecruiser



Category: Firefly
Genre: F/M, Pre-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-09
Updated: 2014-12-09
Packaged: 2018-02-28 19:39:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2744627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluecruiser/pseuds/bluecruiser
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wash says "I love you" for the first time and worries that he said it too soon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Hard to Say

Wash had said “I love you” one night after she came back from a job. She had a bruised arm and he helped bandage her up despite Zoe’s initial protests. He put his hands on her shoulders and kissed her forehead before she pulled him in towards her and kissed him. Hard. Wash didn’t mean for the words to come out because everything had been going so smooth as of late but they did. The words fell out of his mouth before he had time to catch them, not that he wanted to.

It took a couple of seconds for the words to register. Wash’s arms were still around Zoe’s neck as she pulled away from him and stared into the distance with a look that he couldn’t quite read. Wash took his arms back and placed them on his sides and told her it was okay if she wasn’t ready to say it back or didn’t feel the same way.

And now, they sat in silence for the longest thirty seconds Wash had ever experienced before they were interrupted by the captain telling Zoe she was needed in the cargo bay. Without saying a word Zoe stood up from the bed where she was sitting and walked out.

* * *

 

It wasn’t as if she didn’t like Wash. The pilot had gone from being someone distrustful to someone genuine in a matter of months and she had really started to like him. But was she ready to love him? In the war she lost so much, family, friends and more war buddies than she could count. However, the war was long over...

* * *

 

The next time Wash saw Zoe it was during dinner. If it wasn’t for Bester being his usual self and Mal having something to quip at it would have been a very awkward meal. Neither Wash nor Zoe spoke a lot at dinner, with Zoe barely speaking at all. She sat for five minutes and then excused herself with Wash trailing slightly behind. He grabbed her arm and looked at her sympathetically. He could understand her reaction but he needed to talk to her and tell her it was okay. She didn’t listen for long though, she understood that he was okay with her not replying but she needed time and space so she moved her arm away from his grasp and climbed down into her bunk.

For the next couple of days Zoe avoided the bridge whenever she could but it was extremely hard to get space when you live in close quarters to the person you need space from. They saw each other at meals and in the morning when they got out of their separate bunks at the same time, still attuned to the same body clock from their time together. However, with a mix of war tactics and stealth she managed to keep out of his way for as much as she could

The strange thing was that she actually missed him…a lot. It surprised her at how much her heart sank when she woke up and he wasn’t lying beside her. She missed his voice and his awful shirts and all the things she found annoying. It wasn’t like she needed him…she just wanted him beside her.

* * *

 

Wash had no idea what to think. He thought of maybe trying to take it back but what would be the point in lying. It wasn’t his fault, it just happened without him even realising. Maybe if he talked with Zoe and decided to just remain friends or colleagues or co-workers or neighbours whose only interaction is nodding when they step out to get the morning paper….but he didn’t want that.

After much contemplation about what he should do he started to wonder if maybe this would be their life now. Zoe would avoid him and he would slowly go back to just being the wacky pilot. He started to question when he would next see her and have a normal conversation until, just when he was standing up, ready to go to bed and prepared to talk to her in the morning Zoe appeared on the bridge.

Before he could say anything she was grabbing his flight suit and kissing him. She pulled him to the small entrance and he moved back a step towards the wall with a look of surprise flashing in his eyes. He was filled with a million questions that he needed answers for but her lips on his lips pushed the questions back in his mind. They could wait a little longer. Right now he wanted to be with her, run his fingers through her hair, put his hands on her waist, let himself be pinned against the wall by her and be completely consumed by her warmth and desire.

He was surprised that even though it had been two days since the last time they had done this his memories of her taste and feel were nothing compared to the reality. It had been an awful two days without her there and now she was here with him and nothing else seemed to matter. She was here now and that was good enough. She took his hand and led him down to her bunk, turning to kiss him a couple of times along the way.

Wash followed Zoe down the steps and after a couple more minutes kissing and taking each other’s clothes off they collapsed onto the bed. After the most passionate encounter they had had so far they lay still for a couple of minutes taking everything in and being comforted just by each other’s presence. Completely breathless Wash moved himself further towards Zoe and she turned to face him.

“Not that out of practise, am I?” Wash grinned, the questions returning to him slowly one by one.

“Not by a long shot,” Zoe smiled then let out a small yawn.

“Zoe, I have to ask about before –“

“Can it wait till morning?” Her eyes were closed as she sleepy turned away from him.

“Actually Zoe I would –” He stopped as he looked at her gently descending into a deep sleep. Smiling he wrapped his arms around her and moved in closer. Even if it meant this was the last night of whatever they had, it could wait till morning. Right now he just wanted to hold her and have her be his and him be hers.

“Mmm” said Zoe sleepily as she felt the pilot cuddling up next to her. She was glad he had no more questions for now. And then very suddenly glad of him being there entirely she mumbled, “I love you too”

Wash sat up a little in surprise, “No, you can’t leave it like that. You can’t say I love you and then just sleep. Wake up.” Then, realising that Zoe was already well on her way to a deep sleep he kissed her cheek then snuggled behind her, ready for a well-earned rest next to the woman who he loved and who – somehow - loved him back.

**Author's Note:**

> I REALLY like the idea of this but I hate the way I've written it. BUT it has been sitting in my documents for a while and I probably wont have time to edit it any more. 
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy, please comment but make your criticisms constructive. Don't be mean.


End file.
